I can't wait to meet you! You are squirming around in my tummy like you do every day...so active. In about six weeks I'll be able to see the faces you're making as you stretch your little arms. I wonder what you look like. Do you have your daddy's olive skin and brown eyes? Or will you have blue eyes like the other Money girls? I bet you have dark brown hair.
You will be beautiful.
You already are.
I saw a passage this morning from Psalm 139. I've read it since I was a child, but it struck me fresh today.
"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my informed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them." (Psalm 139:13-16)Jesus sees you, Little One. Do you see Him? Does He sing you to sleep and rock you when you need to be calmed? He knows you better than I ever will. He loves you far more than I or your daddy ever can. Nothing will ever make Him stop loving you. I pray that you love Him with all of your heart, mind, soul, and strength.
You are going to be strong, because He will be your strength. You will be brave, because Jesus will never leave you. As much as I want to keep you safe forever, God never called us to live safe lives. He is our safety. So go with Him, wherever that may be. He will teach me how to let you go. You're His anyway.
I can't believe I have the honor of being your mommy. I've wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. You are my biggest dream come true. I'm not going to do everything right; I'm going to make mistakes every day. We will have to exchange grace often. People say that parents know what's best for their children, but I think sometimes we're just clueless. Thank God He really does know what's best for you. I want to be a good example for you of what it looks like to seek Him and His best. I need Jesus so badly. His ways are perfect.
I can't wait to see how creative He was with you. What quirks will you have? Will you be talkative or pensive? Will you like dolls or bugs or both? Will you love being outdoors? WIll you have your daddy's athletic ability? None of these things are good or bad, but they are or aren't placed within you for a reason. That reason is for God's great glory. Period. So find out how to use whatever combination of gifts, abilities, personality traits that He gave you to bring Him glory, and you will never live a life of purposelessness. Love Him, love others...it's what you were created to do.
As I write this I am sitting in the rocking chair in your (adorable) room. Soon I will be rocking with you in my arms. I will stroke your soft skin and smell your newborn head and memorize every little wrinkle in your tiny hands. We'll have good conversations in this chair. You may scream a lot in this chair. We will probably cry here together. I have no illusions in my head that this mothering thing will be easy. It will be harder than anything else I'll ever do. But that doesn't change the truth behind these words I've just written. As I hold you, Jesus will hold me. He's got this. He really does make beautiful things.
I love you in ways I can't even say, Riley Jane. See you soon.
Love, Mommy