Two years ago today, we said goodbye-for-now to my sweet Grandma. She was ready to leave this earth, but she is so missed. I've thought of her a lot over these past few months. I take a long time to process big changes. This morning, I'm sad that my newest baby won't know her Great-Grandma this side of heaven.
The morning after we laid Grandma to rest, we departed for our much-anticipated trip to Germany with my parents and brother. Since we were on a once in a lifetime trip, I took tons of pictures. It is strange to have that first week of processing documented so thoroughly. After the above photo was taken in the courtyard of Neuschwanstein Castle, we went back to our hotel and I cried myself to sleep. I remember how exhausted I felt, after spending three days in the hospital saying goodbye, helping plan a funeral for the first time, an overseas flight with three small kids...and trying to balance it all with enjoying the beautiful trip my dad had blessed us with.
Later in the trip, I posted this on instagram with the caption, "Today I was happy and sad." My pastor's wife told me, "Just keep riding the grief wave and enjoy the happy when it comes." I've often thought of what she said. It comes in waves - grief - and in all different forms: shock, heartbreak, yearning, anger, exhaustion, humor, frustration, numbness, rawness.
All you can do is hold fast. And when you begin to slip, ask for help.
"From the ends of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61
Happy heavenly anniversary, Grandma. I love you.