The Rescuer

A few months ago, Dane and I publicly shared our marriage testimony for the first time. His journey from his darkest moment to being forgiven and free is my favorite story of all time. We are who we are because he allowed God to save us. But as I always say, it is never 100% one person's fault. It can be 99.9% someone's fault, but there is always enough sin to go around. I want to tell you about my portion.

The day before my wedding, I felt so prepared. Dane and I had been friends for years and during our engagement attended marriage classes and premarital counseling. We had survived a car wreck and unsupportive parents. We had even gone on a mission trip together. Obviously this marriage thing was going to be easy. We'd be naturals.

As a nineteen year old bride, I was expecting Prince Charming. Dane was chivalrous, funny, and romantic. I thought he was perfect.

As someone who desperately needed rescuing - out of a bad family situation, out of depression and an eating disorder, out of an addiction to pleasing people - I found Dane to be solid and safe. So I married him. Not just because I loved him, but because I needed him. (Well, it wasn't him I needed, but I didn't know that yet.)

We threw ourselves into careers and college. When we weren't in class or working, we blew our money at restaurants, theaters, and on, well, stuff. We church hopped a little, but often we'd skip it. Many times have we looked back on that first year and marveled at our immaturity and selfishness. 

Even though we were obviously marriage experts (someone needs to invent a sarcasm font) we fell into bad habits. Our most serious problem was my shrinking faith in Dane's leadership. If you've ever read Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, you can probably imagine what our relationship looked like. In a nutshell, we were in a crazy cycle of disrespect and unloving behavior. Any time Dane made a mistake - no, any time he was less than absolutely perfect - I flipped out. Eventually I started tightening control and shutting him out to avoid being disappointed again. The expectation of perfection was, I'm sure, suffocating to Dane.

This all happened our first year of marriage. How quickly we fell.

Unless the LORD builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it
Psalm 127:1

After our first anniversary, he started acting more withdrawn and was away a lot. I started to worry, and for a few months I ignored and denied it. It all imploded Easter weekend 2007.

I heard that our former church was doing a Maundy Thursday service. Anyone who knows me knows I love Easter traditions, and this was irresistible. I invited Dane to go with me, but wasn't surprised when he said no. So I went alone. I sat in the front, and for the first time in a long time, opened my heart and listened. I already knew I was a mess, but that evening I realized it was because I had quietly replaced Jesus with an imperfect husband, material c-r-a-p, and above all: my self. No wonder I was miserable. No wonder I was disappointed. No wonder Dane never measured up.

But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.
Ephesians 2:13

And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have the preeminence.
Colossians 1:17-18

My priorities were upside down, and so was my life. My flawed foundation was finally crumbling, and my whole life was on the precipice of destruction. I needed to be rescued again - this time for real, this time for keeps, this time by Someone who really was perfect.

I'll close this with the video my church produced in order to share our story. I have so much to share about the aftermath and the good years that have followed. But for now, today, here is the story of how we almost lost everything - our life together and our faith. 

Dane & Melissa's Story from The MET Church on Vimeo.